Favorites
by britbojangles
Summary: Through a series of tweets and an answered phone call, Kurt and Blaine unintentionally give Santana the best birthday present she's ever received. Set after Kurt's birthday and before Cooper's costume party in the Hashtags!Verse xxCOMPLETExx


**A/N: Rated M for Buttsecks, rimming, and Blaine's rendition of 'I Believe I Can Fly' By R. Kelly.**

**THANK YOU WINDSOR! **

**SHE MADE THIS UPDATE POSSIBLE**

**I HOPE SHE SPELL CHECKED THIS BITCH BECAUSE I DIDN'T. **

* * *

SatanLopez: My 17th is tomorrow. I registered at Nordstroms, Saks, and Adam & Eve's. I don't want cheap shit for my birthday! #SheAintMessingWithNoBroke

K_Hummel SatanLopez No beating around the bush, I see.

SatanLopez: K_Hummel If there is bush then I'm not interested.

_Favorite._ Santana might have been crazy but that made her no less hilarious.

BritneySPierce: SatanLopez I thought being a lesbian meant that you didn't like Saks.

And that was Brittany. Brittany was an ocean of hilarity even when she wasn't trying to be. _Favorite._

* * *

Kurt turned his attention away from his phone when he felt weight land next to him on the bed. He turned skeptically towards the weight -Finn had a knack for entering his room without permission- and was greeted by his boyfriend's smiling face. "Whatcha doin'?" The elder asked playfully as he leaned forward. Blaine rested his chin on his boyfriend's shoulder, eyeing the phone in the boy's hand. "Texting another guy?" He asked playfully.

_Yeah right!_ Not only was Kurt desperately in love with his boyfriend, but..._if he could have sex with himself, he would understand._ Two short weeks of Blaine working him out -anywhere, anytime- was all the younger man needed to be hooked. Kurt was convinced that no man on Earth would ever be able to make him feel the way Blaine made him feel. Not that any other man would get a chance to step up to the goal._...basket...hoop...plate...whatever. _

"I was tweeting Santana. She wants something expensive for her birthday. She is not the mother of my secret love child and I am not a football player. She'll get a card...from Wal Mart...one of those 97 cent ones." Kurt responded. He then pulled his phone out and sent off a message. _Speaking of Wal Mart. _

K_Hummel: I feel like Wal Mart ends their prices in 0.97 because that makes us think we've saved money. Thank you for saving me three sent on every dollar, Wal Mart. I appreciate that. #Sarcasm

TroutyMouth: K_Hummel Wal Mart is like a good friend. They are always available and they give you things you need.

K_Hummel: TroutyMouth They are also always crowded with people and nobody needs a $5 copy of 'Get Him To The Greek'.

TroutyMouth: K_Hummel I did! I can't work on my impressions if I don't have the movies to study, Kurt.

"Why are you so down on Wal Mart, babe?" Blaine asked, pulling Kurt's attention away from his conversation. The younger man sighed and turned to look over his shoulder at his boyfriend.

"Because, I just don't like going there. I don't know why I don't just shop at Target. They're closer and I feel like the staff is more pleasant. People who work at Wal Mart always seem so dead inside. People who work at Target always seem so happy. It's like they actually like working at Target." Blaine hummed and leaned back to reclaim his head's rightful spot on Kurt's shoulder. Unfortunately, Kurt moved and Blaine missed, falling face first down onto the bed. His fall went unnoticed. "Why can't everyone be happy with their jobs? My dad loves his job. Every day, he goes to work with a smile on his face. I feel like people at Wal Mart go to work wondering if they'll make it out alive. They need to be liberated, Blaine. We need to help them."

The elder turned onto his back and placed his hands behind his head, listening intently as his boyfriend plotted to liberate the oppressed workers at his local Supercenter. "...and I know you remember when they weren't letting their employees taking breaks." Kurt went on.

An eternity later -_really, we've been freaking talking about this forever_- Blaine held a finger to his boyfriend's lips, shutting the boy up instantly. "As fun as it is to hear you play Che Guevara -or Che Gucci, because I feel like that would be your Gorilla Warfare name- your parents aren't home and I'd really like to make our time together a bit more..._interesting_." Intrigue spread across Kurt's face as he pulled the finger from his lips and used the hand it was attached to as support while he climbed across his boyfriend's body, straddling it.

"Do you?" He whispered playfully. Of course Blaine wanted to make things..._interesting_. He had a sexual appetite of a porn star and moves straight from the Kama Sutra. There was a sex god living beneath the skin of the smaller man's body - _well, he's not small all over_- and Kurt loved when that sex god came out to play. So, he wasn't about to give up an opportunity to partake in the game._ I don't care how oppressed the employees of Wal Mart are. _"How do you suggest we do that? Make things interesting, that is."

Kurt watched as his boyfriend propped himself up on his elbows. Blaine stretched his neck until he and Kurt were face to face. "Like this." He responded in a seductive whisper before crashing their lips together. Kurt reacted immediately, falling into the kiss. He did his best to keep up with the movements of Blaine's excited mouth. It was fruitless. Blaine was far more experienced than he was in every aspect of their relationship. Sometimes, Kurt felt like he couldn't keep up. Luckily, Blaine -dear, sweet Blaine- recognized when Kurt felt like he was falling behind and picked up the slack. _I'll always pick up his slack. _

Blaine placed a confident hand on the back of his boyfriend's neck, pulling him closer. The elder then parted his lips, allowing his tongue to escape. It danced momentarily across his boyfriend's soft lips, hoping for entrance. _Access granted_. Before the opportunity could pass, Blaine thrust his tongue into Kurt's willing mouth and began to explore. Each kiss felt new and exciting. Sexually excited amnesia; a syndrome founded by Blaine while in the exact same position a few weeks prior. He couldn't fathom how kissing Kurt could feel more amazing than the time before. Then, he would wonder if it had indeed felt as amazing the time before. Thus, the amnesia. Blaine never remembered if kissing Kurt the time before felt as amazing but that was because Kurt usually started doing something that caused the elder's mind to go blank.

With one hand still placed firmly on the back of Kurt's neck, Blaine allowed his other to trail from the bed to his lover's lower back. It didn't stay there long. Slowly, it crept down until he had a fist full of Kurt's cushioned rear. Blaine swallowed the moan that escaped his boyfriend's mouth. _Things are definitely getting interesting. _

* * *

Santana was bored out of her mind. Brittany wouldn't be over for a few hours -'_Lord Tubbington and I are going to see Marmaduke. He has to face his fears_.'- and the rest of her girls were at Rachel Berry's for an 'All Barbra Evening'. Thus, the girl was left alone to enjoy the four walls of her bedroom. With no end in sight, Santana decided to use her closest confidante -the Dell laptop that she covered with Cheerios bumper stickers- to hustle birthday presents from her friends.

SatanLopez: Puckzilla I don't care about your prepaid cell phone bill. I want a present and it better be a good one.

Puckzilla: SatanLopez How am I supposed to hit up the honeys without a phone, Tan? I need sexts to live!

SatanLopez: Puckzilla Make. It. Happen.

The girl and her friend continued to argue before she gave up. Puck was obviously unreliable in the gift giving department. _Oh well, I still have an entire list of people to go through. Starting with Hummel and Hummel's magical elf. _

SatanLopez: K_Hummel and BlaineWarbler better give me what I want for my birthday. You know what I want! _;)_

* * *

Kurt held his breath as his boyfriend's tongue dipped into his belly button. Long gone were their shirts and, from the look of it, their pants would be next. Blaine's hands dipped beneath the waistband of his boyfriend's yoga pants from time to time but eventually pulled back. He was teasing. He knew how sensitive Kurt's body was to his touch and he was teasing the younger man's skin just enough to keep him on edge of oblivion until it was time.

Perched between his boyfriend's legs, Blaine dipped his tongue once again. He closed his eyes and allowed his body to revel in the sensation of the Kurt's shaking form beneath him. The way Kurt's body reacted was enough to get him off alone. So, he teased. He sprinkled his boyfriend's body with feather light touches that were just enough to make the man's head fly backwards or his toes curl, but never enough to allow him to finish. He usually waited until Kurt said something. When Kurt spoke it, there were no holds barred. "Dammit, Blaine! Stop playing around and just fuck me already."

"Your wish is my-"

Kurt cut him off. "Now! No more talking!" He insisted. As the words left his mouth, Kurt's phone began to vibrate. Fearing that it might be his father or Carole, he leaned over to check it. Santana. It was a tweet from Santana.

"You told me to fuck you now, so I'm going to fuck you now. Phone in hand or not, I'm going to fuck you." Blaine whispered excitedly. The elder reached for the buckled of belt and began to undo it. He let it hang limply open as he began to work on the button and zipper of his pants. "You better get ready, baby. I'm about to give you my all." With that, he slid his pants and boxers down his legs, freeing his cock from its jail. He was hard as a rock and ready to go.

Apparently, Kurt was not. The younger man was far too interested in his phone to notice that his Blaine was free of clothing and equipped for battle; condom in one hand, lube in the other. "Let's do this!"

Kurt held up a finger as he stared at Santana's tweet. He loved her to pieces but her obsession with his relationship was getting out of hand. The previous week, she asked him for details about Blaine's dick. She wanted specifics and Kurt was not willing to indulge her._ No ma'am. _

Watching Kurt, still mostly clothed, stare at his phone in disbelief was not Blaine's idea of a good time. So, he took matters into his own hands; literally. He reached for the waistband of his boyfriend's yoga pants and pulled them off in one motion. Next came the boxers. Blaine hummed approvingly as he stared down at the boy. He was perfect; simply put.

* * *

K_Hummel: SatanLopez You'll get the best card you've ever received.

SatanLopez: K_Hummel As long as it's a card of you and Big Daddy macking then I approve.

* * *

Kurt's fingers flew furiously across his phone's keyboard. Santana was out of control. Apparently, so was the attention that he was paying to his phone. Completely caught in the moment, he didn't notice that Blaine had him stripped bare and laid out on his bed. He also didn't notice when Blaine flipped him over and propped him up on his hands and knees.

K_Hummel: SatanLopez Do I ask for pictures of you and Brittany 'macking'?

SatanLopez: K_Hummel You could. I'm a giver and I would be honored to /give/ you a picture of us macking.

Kurt rolled his eyes as his thumbs danced in reply.

K_Hummel: SatanLopez No thank you. I believe in privacy. Now, if you'll excuse mKJPOIOP[LK[POK,[P

* * *

Blaine started with the back of Kurt's toned legs. He peppered light kisses over them, loving the way the thin layer of hair that covered Kurt's legs tickled his face. As he kissed, he kept his eyes open for a reaction; any reaction. While the young man's body shook from the sensation, his mind didn't seem to register it. Whatever Kurt was doing on his phone had his full attention. Not for long, however.

Slowly, Blaine made his way up the back of Kurt's thighs; kissing as he went. He placed a light kiss below Kurt's right ass cheek and watched as the boy's body quivered. Despite the fact that Kurt didn't realize it, he was enjoying himself.

In an attempt not to startle the boy -_yet_- Blaine lightly rested his hands on each of Kurt's cheeks. He then pulled them apart and leaned forward. The moment his tongue made contact with the ring of muscles that formed a perimeter around his version of Heaven, Kurt reacted.

* * *

Kurt's fingers fumbled across the screen the moment the unfamiliar, wet warmth made contact with his skin. It was like nothing he'd ever felt before. As it progressed, his phone slipped from his hands and onto the bed. Kurt reveled in the new sensation as his phone became buried in the sheets; lost and forgotten for the moment.

"Ohhh...Gggg..." Kurt wasn't sure if was the shock or the sensation but he was having trouble putting two words together. Well...words at all. There were no words. _How do I words? _

Blaine continued to use his tongue to gain his boyfriend's full attention. _We are having sex if it kills us. Literally...I will die for our sex today. I wouldn't even care. _He lapped and nipped at the flesh between his boyfriend's cheeks until it was wet with his saliva. Then, he began to thrust his tongue forward in uneven patterns; working the young man open. With each movement, he was rewarded with a long moan or a stilted pant. "Sh-ahhhhh...Blaine. So good. So...ahhhh!" Kurt shouted as Blaine buried his face between the half globes.

The elder chuckled against his boyfriend's skin, earning yet another lewd moan. "God, Blaine. Please! Just...fuck me!" Kurt begged. Who was Blaine to deny him when Kurt sounded so good begging?

Quickly, the elder pulled back. He allowed himself a moment to stare at the beautiful body beneath him. Kurt was...everything. He was the stars and the sun. The Earth and the Moon. All of that wrapped in a stunning body. _God, I'm going to love him forever. I'm never letting him go._ "Come on, Blaine!" Kurt begged once again.

The elder shook his head, focusing on the task at hand. He grabbed the condom he'd dropped before and ripped the foil open. He watched his boyfriend wiggled his ass teasingly as he rolled the rubber down his stiff shaft. Condom in place, Blaine grabbed the once disregarded lube and slicked a few fingers with it. Before Kurt had a chance to beg once again, Blaine slid a finger into the boy.

One became two and two became three. Before long, the boys were quivering in anticipation for things to come. _**Things**__ are__ definitely going to __**cum**__!_

* * *

Santana tilted her head as she read Kurt's tweet once again. Hummel's tweets never have typos. Ever. Her friend was wound far too tight to allow that to happen. He was a checker. He checked and rechecked before anything left his phone. _'I won't be remembered as that guy that typed were instead of we're'. _He once told her. _Maybe all that hairspray he uses is finally killing off some of his brain cells. _

SatanLopez: K_Hummel Nice key slam, Elphaba.

She then waited for a response. When she didn't get one, she tweeted him again.

SatanLopez: K_Hummel Hello...ding dong...is the witch dead? Come on, Kurt! Don't be mad because I want a picture of Blaine working your ass open slowly...passionately.

And she tweeted him again.

SatanLopez: K_Hummel KURT! COME ON! Just one...ANSWER ME.

And one last time.

SatanLopez: K_Hummel You can ignore my tweets all you want. I'll just call your selfish ass.

The Latina grabbed her phone from its spot next to her computer and scrolled through her contacts to Kurt's number. She tapped his picture lightly and held the phone to her ear. Three rings. The phone rang three times before being picked up. "Kurt! Come on. Don't be like that. It's not like I'm trying to get with either of you. Both of you still have too much dick for me. It's just that I-" Santana stopped talking when she heard it. Low, needy, and seductive.

Sat in the chair in front of her desk, the girl pressed her phone closer to her ear. _I'm not hearing what I think I'm hearing. _Her eyes widened when she realized that, yes, she was hearing what she thought she was hearing. _Oh my Paula!_

Oddly enough, her confirmation came from the one person that stood in the way of her happiness; Kurt. Her friend was the only one denying her the opportunity to film their Klexcapades. Blaine usually shrugged, not caring one way or another. Kurt was the one that shot her down without reason. Yet, Kurt was the one giving her everything she wanted. "God, Blaine. Yes. Just like that. Yes!"

The girl reclined in her chair and propped her feet up on her desk. She wanted to be comfortable because it sounded like they were going to be there for a while; the three of them. Moaning Kurt, Big Dick Blaine, and herself. "Oh..." She whispered to herself as she listened to the wet sounds and wanton moans of their love making. "This is too perfect."

* * *

From the moment Blaine slid in, he knew he wouldn't last long. Kurt fit around him like a glove, offering his aching cock a warm place to call home while the boys worked towards their happy ending; the happiest of endings.

With each snap of Blaine's hips, he was rewarded by a loud moan or shout. That was another that Kurt seemed to be offering that day. While the high schooler was often vocal while they had sex, he seemed doubley so that day. He moaned louder and longer than before. _And damn if that doesn't make me want to fuck him through his bed and down to the first floor. _

"God! Blaine, yes! Right there!" Kurt shouted as he pushed back to meet his boyfriend's thrust. "Yes! Don't stop! Please!"

Dumbly, Blaine nodded. Kurt couldn't see him but he nodded none the less. The telltale twist of his insides made his toes curl. He was so close, but he wasn't ready for it to end. So, he sang.

_If I can see it, then I can do it (I can do it)_

_If I just believe it, there's nothing to it_

_I believe I can fly_

_I believe I can touch the sky_

_I think about it every night and day_

_Spread my wings and fly away_

* * *

Santana furrowed her eyebrows as she listened to Blaine sing. His breath caught once in a while and the song was muffled occasionally by the sound of Kurt's needy whimpers. _Okay, I'm definitely sending them a thank you card for this...and maybe a camera. I don't think my abuela will miss hers. I can wrap it up and regift it. _

Ten minutes into the phone call and she'd given into the fact that she needed to see them have sex. No, she _would_ see them have sex. She thought she wanted it before, but now she knew she needed it. It would happen. One day. "Oh...God...Blaine...So close. So...so close."

"Hummel, you little slut!" She whispered as she pressed the phone closer to her ear. _Best birthday present ever!_

* * *

Kurt's voice grew louder as he neared his completion. He was dripping with sweat and completely exhausted. He was ready for it to be over. It wasn't that he wasn't enjoying himself -_that's so far from the truth_- he just couldn't wait to cum. He knew it was going to be amazing. Blaine was stroking him in all the right places -his prostate, his dick- so he knew the ends were going to justify the means and then some.

"Bl-Bla-" Kurt was rendered speechless as his body seized and contorted through his orgasm. Luckily, Blaine was there for him with his damn R. Kelly song and his skilled appendages. The elder stroked hurriedly as his boyfriend thrashed and moaned his way to the finish line. When all was said and done, Kurt wanted to collapse. He couldn't, however. He needed Blaine to finish...l_ike now! Finish now!_ Luckily, his boyfriend wasn't too far behind.

_Hey, if I just spread my wings_

_I can fly_

_I can fly_

_I can fly, hey_

_If I just spread my wings_

_I can fly-eye-eye-eye-eye-eye-eye_

Blaine held the last note as he came.. His body shook as he released his tension inside his boyfriend. Milked dry and completely exhausted, Blaine collapse onto the younger man, sending them both sprawling towards the bed.

The pair lay perfectly still as they tried to catch their breath. "You're squishing me!" Kurt eventually panted over his shoulder. He felt his boyfriend nod but received no verbal reply. Moments later, he felt the elder's weight lift off his back. He then felt his boyfriend's flaccid cock slid out of him. _Thank God. I think I'm going to die. _

Blaine grunted a few times as he climbed off the bed. He pulled his condom off and tossed it haphazardly into the waistbin next to Kurt's bed. He'd get rid of it later. _After our nap later. I'm exhausted_. "I'm going to grab a wash cloth, I"ll be back." He advised before stumbling across the room to his boyfriend's en suite bathroom.

* * *

Santana hung up as soon as she heard the boys begin to speak. Shame wasn't in her vocabulary but she was not going to let Kurt's bitching ruin her moment. _No way in hell! _ Her Mexican third eye told her that she wasn't supposed to hear what she'd just heard. If Miss Hummel knew what he'd just provided her with, he'd flip out. Of that, she was sure.

Santana was not afraid of Kurt's vicious tongue. She simply wasn't in the mood to tear him down; she'd do that later, if and only if, she had to. As far as she was concerned, this could remain her little secret. Hers and hers alone.

* * *

The moment the water in the bathroom began to run; Kurt dug his phone out of the sheets and checked his messages. They were all from Santana. _Of course. _

K_Hummel: SatanLopez Happy Birthday! ;) Hope you enjoyed your gift.

* * *

Santana was rendered speechless. He knew. All along he knew!

SatanLopez: K_Hummel You kinky bitch.

* * *

Blaine, who grabbed his phone on the way into the restroom, favorited Santana's tweet. He hadn't known they were performing the entire time, but he caught on quickly; playing the part to the best of his ability. _I'm an actor after all. _

BlaineWarbler: SatanLopez Don't say we never gave you anything! ;)

SatanLopez: BlaineWarbler You knew too?

K_Hummel: BlaineWarbler SatanLopez You cheeky bastard

* * *

Santana favorited the entire thread of tweets. Of all the presents she expected to receive for her birthday, the one from Kurt and Blaine was the best. _Hands fucking down! _

_ SatanLopez: Best birthday ever! _

Later that evening, when everything was said and done, she received email notifications that both Kurt and Blaine favorited her last tweet. The emails made her smile almost as much as their gift had. _Almost._

* * *

**A/N: There it is. I have wanted to write in this verse for months and now I've finally done it. Honestly, I've missed it. Hashtags!Klaine will always be the easiest for me to write because I love them so freaking much. I'm considering a few other one shots segments in this verse. **

**One would be a series of oneshots entitled 'Four Brothers' and it would be the hijinks and misadventures of Kurt, Blaine, Cooper, and Finn. Not sure on that one yet. **

**The other (Which I have started and stopped a few times) would be an as of yet untitled series of one shots about Kurt and Blaine's experiences as parents to Burton. Again, not sure if this will ever see the light of day. I went back and forth with the idea of turning this verse into a threequel but a I've decided that I don't want to take that route. Any stories that need to be told in this verse from here on can be done in the form of a one shot or a series. **

**Also, let me know how you feel about In The Jungle. It's my new baby and I love having people read it. **

**Don't be afraid to review. Your feedback made this story happen. **

**Thanks a million. **

**Brit.**


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